I'm exhausted.
People close to me know me as somewhat sarcastic, sometimes a little cynical. I know when to stop and get serious - the sarcastic and cynical me is just a mechanism to point out to other living things that life can't go the way they want it to.
These days, it's different. I'm cynical, sarcastic, and angry every single day. Every day is a bad day. All small things are getting to my nerves. I want to be alone. I don't want to mingle with people and do small talk. Oh my, I'm close to getting burned out.
I was backtracking when my erratic behavior started, and it seemed that the ignition point was the week before our examinations began. Jobs that weren't mine were thrown to me. That same job I accomplished wasn't credited, and to cap to that - the one responsible about that job shoved all responsibility back to me at the end of the day. I know that it's a scenario often seen in society, but we're talking about adults here (take note, I'm not using the word professional because they don't seem like it). Adults with higher degrees. Higher degrees do not mean higher IQ, though.
That was scenario number 1.
Scenario number 2 was when the responsibility that person relinquished so easily came back haunting ME. Innocent ME had to step up and clean up people's asses. Do I look like somebody who has nothing to do but be responsible?
There are so many scenarios that happened three weeks ago that resulted to my state today. As I would put it, all I see is an ocean of black. The tasks that I usually enjoyed are now hateful. The enjoyment of teaching became boring. Tired is no longer the word to be used here - it's exhausting.
All the while I thought I was working with professionals. Oh boy, how wrong I am. Professionals don't just desert their work for people to clean up. Professionals make sure to inform you if they intend to go somewhere else. Professionals do not come in late. Professionals work closely with other professionals to ensure that their output is with integrity and is something to be proud of.
In short, professionals do not suck.
Thanks to them though, I see the qualities that are not to be emulated. I still uphold the principles, values, and ethics that I have. If they don't see it, fine. If they see it, hopefully they will be ashamed of themselves. You don't want a rookie to be teaching you things you should have known all along, right?
According to an article regarding burnout, it says there to take time off and relax. I'm taking step 1. For this day off, I'm going out, leave the papers on top of my desk, and just let my feet take me. Yes, it takes a great deal from me to walk away from my responsibilities, just even for half the day. And hopefully later, I'm taking step 2 and getting myself back on track to regain my pre-burnout, happy self.
